You talk too much! A lesson in talking

This friend was actually a friend of a friend. Her name is Hope. She became my friend because our men were friends. I gravitated to Hope right away. She had the first quintessential perfectly tilted southern accent I had fallen in love with. I loved to hear her talk just to hear that sweet drawl usually followed by a sweet chuckle.

Tom was my boss. He is from England. His was the first English accent I could not get enough of hearing in my thirties. So proper and distinguished sounding. When I dressed nice for work he said I looked "brilliant." I tried to look brilliant every day.
He was also the first boss to take me on an international business trip. Yep to England.

The one thing both Hope and Tom had in common was me. Besides my husband, they were the first to tell me I talked too much. And both hurt my feelings to the bone. They did not mean to, but they did.

I used to ride to work with Hope during our friend of a friend stage of friendship back in 1991. I was working as an intern in New Jersey without transportation to work. My fiancé at the time asked Hope if she would take me since she worked not far from where I worked that summer. She agreed. About two weeks into our riding together Hope looked like she had about all she could take one morning as she picked me up. Finally just at the moment that it appeared her head may come off she turned to me and with her best southern hospitality eloquence spoke, "Look I like you. I enjoy our time together. I don't mind taking you in the mornings and after work but ..... But I need you to wait just a bit longer in the morning before you start talking to me. I am not the morning person you are. It takes me a bit longer to get going." She looked like it was hard to say but needed saying. Almost like she had to rehearse it first in the mirror.

Tom and I were to be in London for about a week. As his direct-report favorite,  I had begged him to take me with him. Tom was full of protocol making sure I was fully ready for the trip including packing not one but two travel alarms. The year was 1997. One morning just as Tom had insisted we met in the lobby of the hotel at 7:45 AM on the dot. As was my norm I started in on the hellos and the how was your evening etc..... I was happy and full of excitement for the day. By the time we made it out of the lobby of the hotel Tom cornered me.

I usually loved the way my name sounded in the Queen's English but not this time. I felt something coming. "La Detra, I need you not to speak. Please understand but just no speaking for awhile. I will let you know when. You understand don't you?" And with that we boarded the train and went about our day. About an hour later with my chin still in my hands, Tom thawed and he unlocked my voice box.

I learned a valuable lesson from these two events that I have carried with me throughout my life. We must be able to adjust to our environment, be able to meet people where they are in their station in life. We need to be able to roll with the punches. Don't let everything people do to us effect us negatively. We need to be able to seek understanding in the motivations and actions of others. Neither Hope nor Tom wanted to hurt me but they needed something I failed to recognize. They were brave enough and in need of enough to ask for it.

I would go onto to carve out a career being paid to talk. Paid well I should add. But I often go back to those early days and find myself asking, should I be talking right now or is now a time of silence? Great lesson learned.