I was watching a segment on Oprah's Network featuring former Olympian skater, Debi Thomas. It was like watching a train wreck. I couldn't stand to look but I also couldn't look away. It was hard to watch. Worse, it was hard to listen to. As Debi wrestled with her demons, it was abundantly clear to all but her, that her demons were winning. This highly educated and talented woman, I have admired forever and a day was a broken shell of her former self. Iyanla tried to get her to see her real self, but Debi was too far from her present truth to even visit it. I found myself wanting to yell through the TV, "Just tell the truth Debi. I promise you will feel better!"
I grew up in a house of secrets. A pattern I nearly passed onto my children. Our mantra was "What goes on in this house, stays in this house." And we meant it! Even my extended family lived by this mantra, so finding out what was really going on with grandparents, uncles and aunts might only happen if I accidentally overheard something while drinking adults spoke their sober minds. I was expected to be seen and not heard. And so was the way of my upbringing. The tragedy though, when things aren't discussed and so much is swept under the rug and that white elephant in the living room is never acknowledged, then those experiences get buried inside us. We end up carrying them with us as we go out into the world. And yes they become an unfinished work inside us. I think that is a part of what I was seeing in Debi. A whole lot of unresolved conflict and in her case, it appeared to me, a bit of mental illness sprinkled in for good measure.
I can see how "young mess" grows into older mess throughout my life. Despite my constantly asking, my mother never talked abut why she and my father divorced when I was not yet six years old. That gave me the space to imagine it was my fault that they did. Throughout my dating life I became that girl waiting to be left. Not until my soon to be husband turned me to face him and said, "I will never leave you. So stop testing me," did I stop sabotaging perfectly would-be-good relationships.
There are so many ways we self-perpetuate our circumstances simply because we are unwilling and occasionally truly unable to walk back our life and "fix" what is broken. I see it over and over and over again. So, I asked a group of lady friends totaling 33, to try something with me. We will share our stories of truth both in order to free ourselves and help others. So many brave sisters agreed, many anonymously which is perfectly fine by me. Hurt does not need a name or a face, it just needs a beginning with an end. Hurt comes in many shapes and sizes; infidelity, death, incarceration, illness, betrayal, molestation, motherless, homelessness, addictions and so on.
Everyone who shared their story said it was difficult and cathartic. Of course it was I thought to myself. I have been there done that with you. It was not easy, but we will share our stories because they need telling.
THIS IS MY STORY BUT IT IS NOT MY LIFE will be published in 2016. I know for sure God is in it because each story shares how faith and spiritual connectivity help us overcome adversity whatever it was. Some of us are still in our story and that is fine too. Why tell the truth you might ask?
Ephesians 4:25. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
I grew up in a house of secrets. A pattern I nearly passed onto my children. Our mantra was "What goes on in this house, stays in this house." And we meant it! Even my extended family lived by this mantra, so finding out what was really going on with grandparents, uncles and aunts might only happen if I accidentally overheard something while drinking adults spoke their sober minds. I was expected to be seen and not heard. And so was the way of my upbringing. The tragedy though, when things aren't discussed and so much is swept under the rug and that white elephant in the living room is never acknowledged, then those experiences get buried inside us. We end up carrying them with us as we go out into the world. And yes they become an unfinished work inside us. I think that is a part of what I was seeing in Debi. A whole lot of unresolved conflict and in her case, it appeared to me, a bit of mental illness sprinkled in for good measure.
I can see how "young mess" grows into older mess throughout my life. Despite my constantly asking, my mother never talked abut why she and my father divorced when I was not yet six years old. That gave me the space to imagine it was my fault that they did. Throughout my dating life I became that girl waiting to be left. Not until my soon to be husband turned me to face him and said, "I will never leave you. So stop testing me," did I stop sabotaging perfectly would-be-good relationships.
There are so many ways we self-perpetuate our circumstances simply because we are unwilling and occasionally truly unable to walk back our life and "fix" what is broken. I see it over and over and over again. So, I asked a group of lady friends totaling 33, to try something with me. We will share our stories of truth both in order to free ourselves and help others. So many brave sisters agreed, many anonymously which is perfectly fine by me. Hurt does not need a name or a face, it just needs a beginning with an end. Hurt comes in many shapes and sizes; infidelity, death, incarceration, illness, betrayal, molestation, motherless, homelessness, addictions and so on.
Everyone who shared their story said it was difficult and cathartic. Of course it was I thought to myself. I have been there done that with you. It was not easy, but we will share our stories because they need telling.
THIS IS MY STORY BUT IT IS NOT MY LIFE will be published in 2016. I know for sure God is in it because each story shares how faith and spiritual connectivity help us overcome adversity whatever it was. Some of us are still in our story and that is fine too. Why tell the truth you might ask?
Ephesians 4:25. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
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