So you thought you could change him? Well there is a bridge in Brooklyn I could sell you. People don't change much after they become adults. And they especially don't change just because they are told to. Think of it this way. How many times have you been told what to do by someone and thought, I am a grown woman. I don't have to do that unless I want to do that!
Same in relationships. Unless it is criminal, not much behavioral modification once you put a ring on it. The most you can hope for is enough mutual adoration and respect for one another that you can live together peacefully. In general, people resent the mere thought of being asked to change. Who can blame them.
Once I asked my husband of 21 years to change something about himself and his response, "Where did that come from?" He followed up with, "Can I pull out my list too?" I quickly got the picture.
So now when I feel inclined to bring up the change subject, I just say to myself., "Well you knew that when you married him." I am still tempted to ask, but then I get this pesty visual of "his list" on crispy white paper and think, "I will wait til it really bothers me, then tell him". I guess I just don't want to see his list. I am a grown woman after all.
Taken from an article on emotional competency, I especially like what this writer had to say about changing someone. You can describe how you would like the person to change, why you believe it would be beneficial, and ask them to change. Engage them in a dialogue about the benefits of the change. Perhaps they will agree with your thinking and grant your request.
How you treat another person certainly affects how they behave, and how they treat you. When you treat someone respectfully as an intelligent peer, they are likely to respond similarly to you. If you treat them disrespectfully, they are likely to retaliate in some way. Both parties participate in each relationship. Perhaps the best way to get someone to change is to change how you treat them.
Maybe that is why I don' t want to see that white paper.
Same in relationships. Unless it is criminal, not much behavioral modification once you put a ring on it. The most you can hope for is enough mutual adoration and respect for one another that you can live together peacefully. In general, people resent the mere thought of being asked to change. Who can blame them.
Once I asked my husband of 21 years to change something about himself and his response, "Where did that come from?" He followed up with, "Can I pull out my list too?" I quickly got the picture.
So now when I feel inclined to bring up the change subject, I just say to myself., "Well you knew that when you married him." I am still tempted to ask, but then I get this pesty visual of "his list" on crispy white paper and think, "I will wait til it really bothers me, then tell him". I guess I just don't want to see his list. I am a grown woman after all.
Taken from an article on emotional competency, I especially like what this writer had to say about changing someone. You can describe how you would like the person to change, why you believe it would be beneficial, and ask them to change. Engage them in a dialogue about the benefits of the change. Perhaps they will agree with your thinking and grant your request.
How you treat another person certainly affects how they behave, and how they treat you. When you treat someone respectfully as an intelligent peer, they are likely to respond similarly to you. If you treat them disrespectfully, they are likely to retaliate in some way. Both parties participate in each relationship. Perhaps the best way to get someone to change is to change how you treat them.
Maybe that is why I don' t want to see that white paper.
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