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The car that refused to start.

6/14/2014

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I intentionally chose a place where I would have to disconnect from my city life. Somewhere where I would have to go out of my way for access to the internet and where there is no TV, no air conditioning, no landlines. Well no phone service period. Complete isolation except the occasional flickers of wireless connectivity. All intentional. All planned. I wanted a place that would force me to be my authentic self. Where everything needed is contained in one walkable environment. And it is within this setting I would spend 3 days and two nights alone with my one and only son. Alone doing his favorite thing ever, fishing.  I told myself, if you do this "self" you must be all in. You can not create this experience of your choosing and blow it. Not blow it materially, blow it emotionally. He must know during these 3 days and 2 nights that he is the center of your universe. My adopted son of 11 years ago must leave knowing we are one. One meshing of two wonderful spirits with common interests, love overflowing and a dependence on one another. We are mother and son forever. Hence the location. A remote country estate in the North Carolina mountains.

I made one mistake, well two. Since we would be away on a Thursday and Friday "work day" I brought my computer (separation anxiety). The second mistake, I was in charge of bringing board games and brought not a one. My son's reply, "It's okay mom. I am sure they have games here, and if they don't we have each other to play with. We will keep it fun."

I am happy to report I never ONCE turned on my computer. When I parked my car in front of our cabin I said aloud, "I promise not to move this car even once until we pull out to go home." I told my son, "This will be the car that refuses to start." He smiled ear to ear and said, "Okay, that works for me. The car that refuses to start."

The time we spent together was magical. My young son took great care of me. I let him too. It was he that carried the luggage into the cabin, checked for bugs and spiders, put out fresh water for our dog Mozart. Without asking or really expecting,  I never once opened a door for myself or got even a droplet of rain on my crown. Nope my knight in shining armor was all that. He kept saying, "Mom let me help you. You deserve it."

In return I said my thank yous. I called him my angel about 10,000 times. I told him as often as possible how special he is to me. How gifted I feel with him in my life. I told him in specific terms how he has blessed my life. I let him know I am his biggest cheerleader. I told him that I am a super better person because of his kindness and giving spirit. His repeated response, "Thanks mom. Thanks for sharing that with me."

Mike thought we were there to fish and in some tangential way we were. I was there first and foremost to reel my son in. I wanted him to know in the deepest parts of his amazing heart that he is my greatest catch.

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    La Detra Joy

    I love being around people. I would rather live falling than break my spirit never trying anything hard. This blog is about trying and retrying life.

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