That beam inside

Knowing things has always been important to me. When I was really young I used to like to repeat things that I knew, even told everyone within earshot that I wanted to become a lawyer one day. This was such a big idea that my mother used to wait for a small crowd (usually at one of her infamous bid whist parties in our house) and then summon me to the room. In exchange for grabbing a handful of whatever was on the food table she would have me command the center of the floor and loudly proclaim to her half-sober slanty-eyed comrades what I wanted to be when I grew up. And of course as if on cue I would say, "I want to be an attorney." Almost as if we ourselves had rehearsed it, she would say "wait, slow down, say it again". And eyeing those extraordinary snacks within arms reach I would repeat a bit more slowly, "I want to be an attorney when I grow up." I could feel the sense of pride rush through her body. It made me smile inside seeing her beam so. It was after all a rarity.

As I grew up my intensity for knowing things only increased. I grew out of wanting to become a lawyer or perhaps it grew out of me. I think mostly because being one never did make me beam inside, not like it did momma. What did make me beam though was pursuing a feeling of feeling satisfied. Doing things that simply make me happy.

I still like to know things. I especially like to know what makes other people happy. Not necessarily the exotic or extravagant things but the simple things. I am drawn to those types who can find happiness and satisfaction in the most non-fashionable moments. For instance my friend Gayle likes to enjoy a morning cup of hot something on her back porch reading her daily devotion every early morning, completely alone. She relishes it. My friend David likes to take long late evening walks through his neighborhood following the same route stopping at his favorite spot at his neighborhood church sitting on the same outdoor bench and there he prays. He has prayed many prayers on that bench over the years, even a few for me so I am told. My friend Kimberly finds her joy by doing for others. She loves surprising people too. I will hear her asking what sound like the most innocuous questions to someone and next thing you know she shows up with the perfect solution to whatever they were in need of. I have seen her do this at least a million times. Yes even a few surprises for me.

What I have learned by knowing things is this. We are stewards of our own happiness. Joy starts within. The beam inside is there for each of us. We all have to direct it in ways that brings us the greatest satisfaction. We must command ourselves to the center of our floor and decide for ourselves what brings us the most lasting smile. Knowing that is knowing all we need to know.