I love my friendships, especially with the sassy girls. In my lifetime, I have been truly blessed with wonderful girls, ladies, women around me. When I was really young, I only hung out with pals my age. I thought that was what you were supposed to do. When I got into my 30's I practically went out of my way to befriend women ten or twenty years older than me. They had so much to say, so much practicality to share. Today I must admit, I add friendships solely based on my value system, but more on this later. The following truest pearls of wisdom I learned from my more mature friendships. Here are a few:
Here I want to share an interesting article on friendship: 7 Helpful Things to Consider If You’re in an Unhealthy Friendship By Jinhee Junis
1. What does friendship mean to you?
The definition you may have on what makes a good friend may be different from
your friend’s. This may sound silly, but this is the platform on which you build a relationship that may one day flourish and develop into a fruitful friendship.
The relationship I desperately wanted to have with my cousin was but a
mirage. I had deluded myself into thinking that we had a strong bond. Reflecting
back, it wasn’t a very healthy relationship.
Be honest. Tell your friend what you need. Your friend may see things differently and it may solve any misunderstanding between the two of you. But if your friend chooses not to reciprocate, you’ll be able to gauge if this is a relationship you want to keep.
2. Is the friendship just too exhausting and negative most of the time?
I used to wonder why it was so hard being around her. It drained me of my energy and left me feeling very negative about who I was as a person.
I resented that I couldn’t express my authentic self to her. Often she would reply to me with, “You think too much,” as if my feeling, values, and beliefs were not valid.
A friend who cares about your well-being will discuss any concerns you may
have and not dismiss them as trivial. If you don’t communicate your feelings, resentment can build, and you may harbor negative feelings toward this person.
3. Is the relationship balanced?
To me, a friendship is like a seesaw. It takes two people, and each needs to give and take a little to balance out the ride.
Like any close relationship, both parties need to make the effort and choose to grow together as friends, or it can be a very painful process.
Thinking back, our relationship was very much one sided. I always felt I was the second choice, a person to call when she needed company, or to vent. I don’t
recall her ever asking me how I was doing, especially after my dad was killed.
There was no depth in our relationship.
4. It’s okay to let go.
Relationships are complicated, and it’s never an easy choice to let go of a friendship.
It was painful for me to accept that our friendship was over, but in order to
live authentically and to be free, I had to let it go.
It didn’t happen overnight. As our relationship deteriorated, we saw less and
less of each other. When she called to invite me over, I deliberately chose to
decline the invitation. I knew that I would regret going, and that it would
leave me feeling of resentful, with old, painful memories haunting me.
It can be a long, emotional, and unpleasant process when we are deciding whether we should continue on with a friendship or to let it go. All these feelings are normal. Any transition in life comes with some form of discomfort. It means we are growing and evolving.
5. Know that it’s nobody’s fault.
Sometimes relationships end, despite every effort to make it work. Just because we have made the choice to let go of the friendship, that doesn’t mean it has to end it a negative way. We can say farewell with well wishes and make the choice to remember the happier times in our hearts.
I think every relationship is unique and the way you choose the end the relationship depend on the situation you are in. Listen to your inner voice and honor it.
You may choose to tell your friend that you need some space. Or you may choose to write a personal letter to express your feelings and concerns if you think it will be too confrontational. At times I still miss the friendship I had once shared with my friend, but I keep the good memories with me in my heart.
6. Stay open.
Stay open to new friendships and to your present moment. Staying open allows
for new opportunities and new relationships to come into your life when you are
ready.
Yes there were only six. Jinhee wants you to come up with your 7th.
- Never leave yourself completely alone. Always have enough money stashed away to get yourself home.
- Be careful with whom you share your most intimate secrets. There is no such thing as a secret.
- If you don't love yourself, you are not leaving much to be attracted to. You are more likely to attract someone who will start out feeling sorry for you, someone trying to fix you, or someone trying to control you. Neither of these is love.
Here I want to share an interesting article on friendship: 7 Helpful Things to Consider If You’re in an Unhealthy Friendship By Jinhee Junis
1. What does friendship mean to you?
The definition you may have on what makes a good friend may be different from
your friend’s. This may sound silly, but this is the platform on which you build a relationship that may one day flourish and develop into a fruitful friendship.
The relationship I desperately wanted to have with my cousin was but a
mirage. I had deluded myself into thinking that we had a strong bond. Reflecting
back, it wasn’t a very healthy relationship.
Be honest. Tell your friend what you need. Your friend may see things differently and it may solve any misunderstanding between the two of you. But if your friend chooses not to reciprocate, you’ll be able to gauge if this is a relationship you want to keep.
2. Is the friendship just too exhausting and negative most of the time?
I used to wonder why it was so hard being around her. It drained me of my energy and left me feeling very negative about who I was as a person.
I resented that I couldn’t express my authentic self to her. Often she would reply to me with, “You think too much,” as if my feeling, values, and beliefs were not valid.
A friend who cares about your well-being will discuss any concerns you may
have and not dismiss them as trivial. If you don’t communicate your feelings, resentment can build, and you may harbor negative feelings toward this person.
3. Is the relationship balanced?
To me, a friendship is like a seesaw. It takes two people, and each needs to give and take a little to balance out the ride.
Like any close relationship, both parties need to make the effort and choose to grow together as friends, or it can be a very painful process.
Thinking back, our relationship was very much one sided. I always felt I was the second choice, a person to call when she needed company, or to vent. I don’t
recall her ever asking me how I was doing, especially after my dad was killed.
There was no depth in our relationship.
4. It’s okay to let go.
Relationships are complicated, and it’s never an easy choice to let go of a friendship.
It was painful for me to accept that our friendship was over, but in order to
live authentically and to be free, I had to let it go.
It didn’t happen overnight. As our relationship deteriorated, we saw less and
less of each other. When she called to invite me over, I deliberately chose to
decline the invitation. I knew that I would regret going, and that it would
leave me feeling of resentful, with old, painful memories haunting me.
It can be a long, emotional, and unpleasant process when we are deciding whether we should continue on with a friendship or to let it go. All these feelings are normal. Any transition in life comes with some form of discomfort. It means we are growing and evolving.
5. Know that it’s nobody’s fault.
Sometimes relationships end, despite every effort to make it work. Just because we have made the choice to let go of the friendship, that doesn’t mean it has to end it a negative way. We can say farewell with well wishes and make the choice to remember the happier times in our hearts.
I think every relationship is unique and the way you choose the end the relationship depend on the situation you are in. Listen to your inner voice and honor it.
You may choose to tell your friend that you need some space. Or you may choose to write a personal letter to express your feelings and concerns if you think it will be too confrontational. At times I still miss the friendship I had once shared with my friend, but I keep the good memories with me in my heart.
6. Stay open.
Stay open to new friendships and to your present moment. Staying open allows
for new opportunities and new relationships to come into your life when you are
ready.
Yes there were only six. Jinhee wants you to come up with your 7th.
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