Damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn! There I said it. Damn! And for the total four seconds it took me to say it out loud, I felt better. I felt four seconds better. Now what? I can trade up to some more flavory feel good words, try them on out loud, or ..... I can suck it up and get over myself. I can lick my salty wounds and pinch the remaining salt over my left shoulder forever blinding the devil waiting there. No matter how it goes, there is much to be learned from this sharp bend with the tight curve universally timed with perfect trajectory and precise accuracy to land in my life on my life's near-perfect plane. And land it has with a thump, debris flying everywhere. Every material matter in its path disturbed but not destroyed!
This sharp bend in a tight curve has commanded the full attention of everyone around me and it has gotten it too, most especially mine. Now I am left with this question, "What the hell do you want from me?" Are you bringing something or are you asking something of me? Which is it? Speak up! What, did I look too happy? Too in control? Too anything? What stirred you up to come after me like this?
I don't have time for any more nonsense. Speak your peace. Say what you came to say while I was busy minding my own business. If it is my deference you want, you have it, in full and protected view. I am listening!
Sharp bend in a tight curve has caused everything around me to move in slow motion. Things, including people have come into full view, magnified to display cracks, reinforcements and their true depth. Those emerging from the crowd carry crosses. These soldier warriors, like me, are fired up. None, as I see it, frightens easily. Bring it on sharp bend in a tight curve. Bring it on!
Being on the sharp bend in a tight curve is not about my fear. The greatest fear as felt by me has been in how predictably or unpredictably my environment has responded. This includes how I have responded. Was this part of the master plan to provide me with spiritual clarity, some higher learning? Was all this manufactured as a grand teachable moment to help shape my spiritual life? Was this a test? A pass fail exercise to prepare me for something bigger, more challenging, more something? God is no respecter of flesh, so this has to be about shining his light on something bigger than just me.
Nothing it is said happens without a reason. No atomic matter is ever wasted. It occurs to me, I am being used. I don't much mind being used. To God and his glory.
Being on a sharp bend in a tight curve is not anyone's idea of fun, it is most assuredly without doubt, humbling. For so long, I have been used to driving, giving directions, navigating from a position of strength. I have accepted little help at the wheel.
Now, I have become desperate for a new order and a new way of doing things. And on this sharp bend with its tight curve, Jesus took the wheel away from me. And then he reminded me to whom the wheel belonged from the beginning. He took me back into my slow motion moment. In full color, from my new vantage point, he took me out from behind his wheel and put someone else in my place, my husband. Yes. In my sharp bend in a tight curve the wheel will now be handled by Jesus through my spouse's heart. I will have to come out of this sharp turn learning to lean into my environment receiving my help from where God always intended it should come. I am being stopped so that I can start again in a new way. This time, nothing out of order.
Sharp bends with tight curves bring out the best in people. They are put in our path to get our attention, to slow us down, to extend safe passage to greater horizons. When we see them ahead we must ask ourselves what is expected of me for safe passage? What is God's lesson at my wheel? What would God have me learn from this next turn?
I have learned that I don't have to drive to get where God is taking me. And I can't be who I was created to be by always pulling out in front of God. I must trust the driver who guides me.