My friend Denise

We met in New Jersey around 1986, neither of us can remember exactly where. I wish I could. At age 31, she was ten years older than my tender 21. We became fast friends, "thick as thieves" some might call it. I had just moved to the area, fresh to urban life sort of. Definitely the first time I had ever lived on my own outside of a dormitory. I was just a kid. I looked up to her.  I lived in Montclair, NJ, she lived in West Orange. We pledged different sororities back then, but sisterhood brought us together and our love as sisters kept us there.

We did everything together. She even helped me to learn to drive a manual shift. While at first I had thought of Denise as a big sister from Philadelphia, she was that and more. We were just awesome friends. I was at her house more than she was at mine. Simply put, I lived in an efficiency above a book store. Denise lived In a "real" apartment with different rooms versus my nearly all in one. We spent a lot of time together Denise and myself. Denise never did cook much, but boy she knew the best Take Out. I laugh because at age 60 she still does not cook and we just ordered Take Out. Back then, we got together to spend authentic time together over wine, Take Out and TV/Movies and boyfriends. I am happy to say our taste in all of the above has improved tremendously over the years. Denise was around when I met my husband. She approved so I pursued him.

In 1990, I was accepted into Harvard Business School. I was all set to leave New Jersey and move to Cambridge. The last official send off was a going away party at a local New Jersey venue. I remember Denise was bringing the cake. I never saw Denise that night and I would not lay eyes on her again for over 30 years. By the time I did, she was picking me up from the airport in Chicago with her new best friend, Donna. So many years had passed. And like it was yesterday, I remember the pain of how our friendship had ended. All night in 1990, I had stared at the door. It was the first time in my life I had been hurt by a friend I loved so deeply. The pain and loss completely turned me inside out.

I did have one conversation with Denise over the years. I had become very active in church with my own family. The pastor said do not take communion if you have unsettled hurt. I knew I had to find Denise. I tracked her down via the yellow pages. I found her in Chicago. I did all the talking. I told her I needed to forgive. I do not recall telling her I DO FORGIVE YOU. Our call was awkward and short.

Fast forward another decade plus, and Denise both friended me on Facebook and followed up with a letter. The letter explained everything. I cried and read it a million times. I will just say, I forgave her and she finally forgave herself.

Denise, Donna, and myself just wrote a book together. It is called, "This is my story, but it is not my life." The book is about women's pain and suffering. Let me tell you, we are all three more than qualified to write this book. The best part, 29 other women also participated. And we tell how Christ brought us to the other side of pain and suffering. The book also has stories speaking of forgiveness.

So on March 11, 2016 beautiful Denise and her most funny friend Donna gathered me up from the airport in Chicago, took me straight to their favorite restaurant, and then for the next three days are hosting me in Denise's home where I met her now husband and family.

It is a long time from yesterday, but it is exactly as God planned it. Love and forgiveness are mighty gifts from our Lord. We need to pull them out a lot more.