Sometimes I still scratch my head that I am a married woman. No really. I did not grow up with real role models in the area of love relationships. I just didn't. Mostly I saw illustrations of people trying to recreate love, hang onto love, get love back, pretend not to love, fake love for gain or something like that. And when love failed, I saw the extreme opposite. This was when people around me tried to hurt the ones they love. This kind of love was hard to watch. But not only did I watch it, I studied it. It rubbed off on me too.
So I carried some pretty bad love habits into my early relationships. When I saw my love getting tested, I sabotaged it. This was my defense mechanism not to be carried downstream with love as it drifted away. I acted unbecoming of love just to keep from hurting more than what I saw coming. I was not going down alone. It was nothing for me to break up with someone for reasons in my mind, not of my heart. Again, I drew on what I saw in my surroundings growing up.
It would take a pretty strong-minded person to wrestle my love to the ground. And that time came in 1990. He was fine, he was balding, and he dressed straight out of GQ magazine. He spoke about worldly things, he was a gentleman. He did not ask me for anything above what I demonstrated I was able and willing to provide. His values had deep roots. He was a keeper.
But it did not take long before my bad love habits came out to play and they tested the resolve of the relationship. What I remember is him saying, I am not going anywhere so stop behaving as if I am.
When he proposed to me he did so under a couple of conditions. First he insisted I stop swearing. My response was oh damn! Second I had to promise him I would never ever divorce him. He said, I want to leave a legacy with you and I never want you to start this if you are unwilling to finish it. That was nearly 30 years ago.
I became love able only when I loved me more than him. I became love able when I loved him as much as he loved me. I became lovable when I could show him love no matter how I was feeling.
Because above all, love was the promise I made to him and the promise I keep to myself. In all things return to love. Love is the most important of all. I tell my young friends all the time, in most matters, he will test everything about your relationship against your love for him and his love for you. If you have love, you have a chance at forever.
So I carried some pretty bad love habits into my early relationships. When I saw my love getting tested, I sabotaged it. This was my defense mechanism not to be carried downstream with love as it drifted away. I acted unbecoming of love just to keep from hurting more than what I saw coming. I was not going down alone. It was nothing for me to break up with someone for reasons in my mind, not of my heart. Again, I drew on what I saw in my surroundings growing up.
It would take a pretty strong-minded person to wrestle my love to the ground. And that time came in 1990. He was fine, he was balding, and he dressed straight out of GQ magazine. He spoke about worldly things, he was a gentleman. He did not ask me for anything above what I demonstrated I was able and willing to provide. His values had deep roots. He was a keeper.
But it did not take long before my bad love habits came out to play and they tested the resolve of the relationship. What I remember is him saying, I am not going anywhere so stop behaving as if I am.
When he proposed to me he did so under a couple of conditions. First he insisted I stop swearing. My response was oh damn! Second I had to promise him I would never ever divorce him. He said, I want to leave a legacy with you and I never want you to start this if you are unwilling to finish it. That was nearly 30 years ago.
I became love able only when I loved me more than him. I became love able when I loved him as much as he loved me. I became lovable when I could show him love no matter how I was feeling.
Because above all, love was the promise I made to him and the promise I keep to myself. In all things return to love. Love is the most important of all. I tell my young friends all the time, in most matters, he will test everything about your relationship against your love for him and his love for you. If you have love, you have a chance at forever.
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