WADE: When I was twelve I gave momma an ultimatum. "You stop drinking or I am going to run away." I had been telling her that for months. I threatened to run away and still nothing changed. I hated how she treated me in front of my friends when she drank. So one day, I broke into a couple of houses, stole stuff, stole a car and I left. I was twelve. That's when my life changed.
For the next three years I was separated from the family in foster care. Momma had no choice, the car I had stolen was a top ranking colonel's on the army base. Momma was told, you and your other children can stay on base, but he must go. She had no choice. After she saved enough money working three jobs, she moved the family from the army base to Salt Lake City where I was living. That's what brought y'all to Salt Lake City, to reunite with me. By then though I was lost. I was drinking, doing acid, fighting and out of control. I had anger issues that started at home.
I got kicked out of middle school for fighting all the time. That's when I ended up in an alternative school, same thing for high school but by then Eric (our other brother) was with me. I was bad news with a bad temper. Once you start doing bad, bad follows you. Bad becomes you. That's what happened to me.
Why drugs? Drugs helped me forget. Thing is at first they helped cover up the things in my life that were not working out right, but after awhile there were way too many drugs and way too many things to cover up.
What are you afraid of? That's my problem. I am not afraid of anything. I used to be afraid of overdosing, I guess I still am a little. One time I had ODed and I was in a big open field. And I swear the field had one sprinkler. And just as if God opened the heavens, that one and only sprinkler system came on shooting me in the face with water in the nick of time. I swear this is a true story. That sole sprinkler saved my life.
I am not afraid of anything, I never have been. That can be good and bad. When I make my mind up to do something I do it so well. My problem has been my mind has been more made up on the bad side of doing than the good side. It is a shame too because I have such a good heart. Do you know I have never done anything to anyone that I did not make good on? Really I have kept track, I have always fixed what I broke. I can be proud of that.
What else are you proud of? I taught myself read and write. I am almost completely self-taught. Also math. I taught myself math. I am also a really good artist. When I am bored I draw. You've seen my art right? I sent you a picture of a Indian girl from prison. You still have that piece? I hope so, that piece took a long time to finish. I hope you kept up with it (I didn't).
What do you regret most? I hate that momma died and I never gave her anything to be proud of about me. I never accomplished a single thing that she could point to and say wow! I regret that a lot. She did the best she could with me and with us and I let her down. I guess when I think about it, there were a couple of brief periods when I was cool when she was alive. I think I remember that now.
I am so tired. I just want to go fishing. I am so tired of starting over. One day I am going to tell you my real story. You don't spend 20 years in and out of prison and not have a story. Most of the time I went to jail it was for hurting myself not for something I did bad to someone else. I am more familiar with the streets and how to survive out there than you will ever know. Most of all though I was never cut out to be there. I am a really nice person with a big heart, even the streets know that about me. Even people I hated I treated with respect. I have a loving heart. We all do. I am a really nice guy with a big heart. That will never change.
If we do tell my story, I want to share with you how I came to know Jesus. I was worth saving. I know that for sure. I hope my story helps at least one person. One person saved from this life would be great.