I have felt sad in my life a lot. As far back as I can remember I have spent periods of time feeling less than whole. I have never wanted to put a label on these feelings. Sad is the closest I have ever come to doing it though. My mother, I used to label as "sad" and her mother before that. While collectively we three, all so strong as an ox on the outside, withered at times on the inside. I recognized the common signs in our eyes. We never talked about it, but I feel we knew, each of us, that we shared a thread of sadness.
When I learned of actor, comedian, Robin William's suicide on 8/11/14, my first thought was he died of sadness. How is that others are asking? He had everything, wealth, prosperity, notoriety, talent, unique gifts and people who loved him. He also had sadness, lots and lots of sadness.
There is at least one difference between Robin and myself. Mine is not a lingering sadness. I can shake it. Give it its place in my life. Command it to the backdrop of my spirit. I can push it down and when it wakes up sooth it into another feeling of my choosing. Robin it appears was not as successful at doing this. He was so weakened by his lot of sadness. I don't blame him, can't blame him for his outcome. Sadness is a deceptive thing. It will trick you into believing it is a forever thing. And when you do something so tragic and so permanent, it will stand over what is left and ask, now why did you do that? That is why I hate sadness. Because sadness does not play fair. Even that tiny flicker of happy light at the end of the dark tunnel is seen as too distant and unachievable.
I do wonder if Robin was a saved person? I wonder if he had a relationship with God? I know that my relationship with God has been the one thing that gives me the bravado to stare down my sadness.
I pray that Robin has found peace and has passed over to a place with no sadness.
When I learned of actor, comedian, Robin William's suicide on 8/11/14, my first thought was he died of sadness. How is that others are asking? He had everything, wealth, prosperity, notoriety, talent, unique gifts and people who loved him. He also had sadness, lots and lots of sadness.
There is at least one difference between Robin and myself. Mine is not a lingering sadness. I can shake it. Give it its place in my life. Command it to the backdrop of my spirit. I can push it down and when it wakes up sooth it into another feeling of my choosing. Robin it appears was not as successful at doing this. He was so weakened by his lot of sadness. I don't blame him, can't blame him for his outcome. Sadness is a deceptive thing. It will trick you into believing it is a forever thing. And when you do something so tragic and so permanent, it will stand over what is left and ask, now why did you do that? That is why I hate sadness. Because sadness does not play fair. Even that tiny flicker of happy light at the end of the dark tunnel is seen as too distant and unachievable.
I do wonder if Robin was a saved person? I wonder if he had a relationship with God? I know that my relationship with God has been the one thing that gives me the bravado to stare down my sadness.
I pray that Robin has found peace and has passed over to a place with no sadness.
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