Quite contrary, I spent a long time trying to change him. I made it my job to make him over. All to no avail. The harder I pushed, the more he resisted. I heard many times, "I am not your child. You are not my mother." I thought then STOP acting like it. See this my way. I am only trying to help you, help us, I bemoaned.
Then after many years of trying to change him, I awakened to a provocative revelation. Something perhaps he realized a long time ago. It was not my job, my place, or in my authority to change him. Just as he was not in any position to change me. Only God can do that. Only God has that authority. He changes us through a changed heart. Man is not in the changing business, God is and God does.
"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." [2 Corinthians 3:18]
Looking back I can see now how my tactics had all backfired. I drove a wedge where there should have been a bridge. I built walls that after awhile were easier not to climb. I caused silence that should have been filled with laughter. I caused glares that could have been alluring winks. I created an environment that was changing not a man that was changed.
One day I threw up my hands in complete despair. I told God, I am done! You take it from here. Do something with him. God did something all right. But not with him, but with me. He started by telling me to leave his son alone. Back off! Leave him to HIM. He placed on my heart that I did not create my husband and I can't remake what God had wonderfully made. God said, "You are messing up what I made as perfect."
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." [Ephesians 2:10]
I now know that God allowed me to suffer for so long because I was getting into HIS business. I learned my lesson and after some time he restored my marriage. Only after he restored my heart.
Ladies we need to pray for our husbands. Pray as if the thing you are praying for has already been done. Thank God for it upfront and believe it to be so.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. [Psalm 37:4-5]
Most of all we must pray for understanding. Pray that we are able to meet God where HE is in us. Pray that we are able to exceed HIS expectations for our marriage.