I studied her from across the room. One of those try not to be noticed staring kind of situations. I could not take my eyes off her either. She appeared so put together and I am not just talking about what she wore which was yes incredible. It was the total package of her presentation that drew me in. She seemed so confident and radiated with something sprinkled with special. Something reserved for really special people. I noticed everything. What was really magnificent is the way others responded to her. She seemed to stop time when she spoke. All of the really good air in the room found her and lingered there with her. I took mind notes. How does she do it I thought to myself? What does she have that I don't? I thought of getting close enough to find out. Maybe strike up a made up conversation just to hear for myself what others heard and felt being around her. I didn't though. I sat where I sat and just stared in her direction, taking mind notes. I was determined to duplicate her magic. I would copy her blueprint if it was the last thing I did. Thing is I found myself finding a new "she" everywhere I went. Someone who seemed to have what I didn't and believing within me that they had something I was missing.
The harder I tried to be a copycat the worse I felt. I would hold up the magazines next to my body and sometimes even tear out the pages as inspiration. On more than one occasion I ordered the shoes, the purse and the exact skirt believing I would look and feel just the way that beautiful girl on page 47 seemed to look and feel. I never did. I never even came close. It did not keep me from trying again the very next time I came across the "this one is it" image I wanted to project. It became a cycle of sorts. A hamster wheel to nowhere. I had this idea in my head that people who looked good on the outside had to have incredible lives on the inside of themselves.
Somewhere between being stuck being someone I was not and dreaming about somebody's else I wanted to become I had a discovery moment of truth. Trying so hard to be somebody else, I was not making any room to birth who I was meant to be. Who I was magnificently made to become. Further to the truth, I had no idea who that person was because I was so trying not to be her. I was trapped chasing a figment of my mental invention. And God was going to allow it for as long as I chose it. He saw that by denying my true self I was by default also rejecting his design for my life. It would be up to me to change that course and I did.
And who I discovered I have come to love and admire. I thank God every day for pouring his magic into me, uniquely.
I could be Oprah and wow that would be. I could be Mother Teresa and be her magnificently! I could be Nefertiti for all the world to see.
But while I am busy trying to be that "she" who will be busy becoming magnificent me?
Embrace your truth 2016.
The harder I tried to be a copycat the worse I felt. I would hold up the magazines next to my body and sometimes even tear out the pages as inspiration. On more than one occasion I ordered the shoes, the purse and the exact skirt believing I would look and feel just the way that beautiful girl on page 47 seemed to look and feel. I never did. I never even came close. It did not keep me from trying again the very next time I came across the "this one is it" image I wanted to project. It became a cycle of sorts. A hamster wheel to nowhere. I had this idea in my head that people who looked good on the outside had to have incredible lives on the inside of themselves.
Somewhere between being stuck being someone I was not and dreaming about somebody's else I wanted to become I had a discovery moment of truth. Trying so hard to be somebody else, I was not making any room to birth who I was meant to be. Who I was magnificently made to become. Further to the truth, I had no idea who that person was because I was so trying not to be her. I was trapped chasing a figment of my mental invention. And God was going to allow it for as long as I chose it. He saw that by denying my true self I was by default also rejecting his design for my life. It would be up to me to change that course and I did.
And who I discovered I have come to love and admire. I thank God every day for pouring his magic into me, uniquely.
I could be Oprah and wow that would be. I could be Mother Teresa and be her magnificently! I could be Nefertiti for all the world to see.
But while I am busy trying to be that "she" who will be busy becoming magnificent me?
Embrace your truth 2016.
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