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Around our supper table

2/21/2015

6 Comments

 
Growing up there was something quite distinctive I noticed in contrast between my non-brown friends and me. We all played the same hide and seek, dashed through the same sprinkler systems, all rode our bikes until either the chain broke, tire flattened or the street lights came on signaling curfew. Or unless we were called in for dinner.  Occasionally I was invited into other people's homes for dinner. I grew up as an army brat and most of my friends were white, so I had the opportunity to sit around a lot of dinner tables at homes where my friends' parents grew up somewhere else. Thing is there was a very stark difference between their dinner table decorum and what I was accustomed to. I wonder how these  experiences or lack thereof shaped my eventual ideologies about the world around me and my role in it. Let me be more specific.

I can never once recall talking about world events in my home, not even while growing up during the War in Vietnam. I can't recall a single conversation about an upcoming election (local or national), or about the importance of wealth building, saving money versus increasing your net worth. We did not discuss the importatnce or impact of decisions made at the board of education. I spent my entire childhood and not once did I ever see a national newspaper on my doorstep, not one. I can't recall our TV spending more than fleeting moments on national news programming, unless there was a crisis, like the time Ronald Reagan was shot.. But in comparison, my non-brown friends, many of them were engaged in dinner table discussions that touched upon each of these. Not only did they touch upon them, as a family unit, they had engaging conversations probing concepts, contrasting views, key insights, implications, opportunities or threats embedded in each of these.  I saw it first-hand and I wondered, wow, what are my friends getting that I am missing.

At our dinner table, we discussed topics like, whose turn it was to do dishes, which bills we were caught up on, can we spend the night at such and such's house? We argued over why there were still dirty dishes in the sink from earlier in the day and whose job it had been to wash them. We discussed grades only if they were failing and school only if momma had been called in cause somebody really messed up. We watched local news to see if anyone we knew had been arrested, or if we needed boots/jackets for tomorrow's walk to school. We discussed leftovers, broken washers and dryers, leaking furnaces. We discussed money not in the context of saving it but in terms of never enough.

I wonder how different my life would be today if our conversations had not always been stuck in survival mode and had instead branched into the world outside of my neighborhood and community? Would my brothers be CEO's instead of  stuck working a trade? Would my mother still have worked herself to death at age 55? At least would we as a family unit have had the option and resources to explore a different path?

Are we missing the opportunity to grow and strengthen our family legacy by conversations that begin at home? I think so.
6 Comments
Suzette
2/21/2015 12:07:01 am

Interesting LaDetra.....even though I came from humble beginnings in the heartland of Rienzi MS my family did talk about world issues, politics, the importance of saving and investing etc. Sure I was the last of six and yes a lot of these conversations were brought to the forefront by my brothers and sisters who had gone to college and experienced life etc. Nevertheless it did impact the conversations at home. These are the conversations at our dinner table ALL the time as my husband missed his calling as a politician or news anchor. ☺ Also our family is REQUIRED around the dinner table. Its were we connect. I encourage everyone to start these traditions and create a legacy of their own. Many families were impacted by "the struggle" lest we forget.

Thought provoking cousin.....keep it going. Love always😆

Reply
2/21/2015 12:10:53 am

Suzette wonderful. Your family is definitely to be admired. I have always seen yours as close knit and informed. I love you and what you are creating.

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Gayle link
2/21/2015 01:24:51 am

Well said Ladetra. I love the way you use your gift to provoke constructive dialog that leads to understanding and hopefully positive change.

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Edward
2/21/2015 05:39:53 am

I think the deeper issue is what underlies the difference in the conversations...not just the differences in the conversations. Inherited stress originating in slavery vs. the luxury of learning how to build and preserve wealth would logically translate into such differences though of course we continue to elevate our conditions and our conversations...but the conversation differences are historically grounded - not reflective of some unexplained dysfunction around our dinner tables. Those conversation differences perhaps are just a metaphor for historic inequality--this is not about justifying anything. Just my 2 cents.

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link
2/21/2015 05:55:55 am

Edward my thoughts precisely, especially with regard to how systemic and far back the issues may have begun. Thanks so much for sharing.

Reply
Valeria
2/22/2018 10:38:06 pm

Ladetre what a thought provoking article. I know I moved the needle a bit with my kids and it shows in the type of dialogue they have around world events. The dinner conversation across generational dinner tables is a great place to start shifting the survival mindset.

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    La Detra Joy

    I love being around people. I would rather live falling than break my spirit never trying anything hard. This blog is about trying and retrying life.

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