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Time for resolvelutions not resolutions

12/26/2014

Change is a funny thing. We think we can change just about anything about anyone. We are slow to change ourselves, especially the "ungood" parts. I know what the problem is I think. It is because the first hardest part is the open acknowledgment of the fault inside. I mean really, who wants to admit they are flawed? There is enough to worry about without adding a self-critique on top of it, thanks but no thanks. Except that is during that one time of year, the NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION time of year. Disguised as a tweak to a near perfect existence, we will permit ourselves one or two tweaks under the guise of RESOLUTION. Who are we kidding anyhow? I know who, ourselves. But by the time we see in ourselves that it is time for real change in our lives, likely it is past time. Others have been whispering for some time already. It's okay, someone is whispering about them too. We all are on a treadmill of self-discovery. The really brave souls among us act on it. Others make NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS. I choose to make resolvelutions.

Here are mine:
1-   Stop putting off til tomorrow what I can do today, especially when it comes to managing my health, my marriage, my children

2-   Stop listening to the side of me that pushes things away rather than dealing with them first hand

3-   Begin again those things that I left undone

4-   Stop making excuses for the inexcusable. SPEAK UP. RISE UP. ACT UP if necessary!

5-   Begin demanding respect in all things worthy of the respect. I have earned and by right uncompromising respect is expected. Start with home. Don't be a doormat to the very children I am raising to be mom and dad to a future generation. Set the example, expect no less than a great example in return.

6. Do better at being a better spouse. Enough said.

7. Stop running scared from the undiscovered parts of me. Live harder. Take the double dare boiling inside of me.

8. Listen more, talk less.

9. Fall in love with quiet times. Embrace the inertia of stillness.

10-   Start and end with what is most important to my well-being.

STOP making resolutions. Make resolvelutions.

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All around is Christmas

12/24/2014

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Tomorrow my children will wake up extra early. With sleep in their eyes they will run into our bedroom both of them, pulling at my covers, saying, "Mom get up! It's Christmas!" This is in fact their best attempt at the etiquette side of "Let's open some presents!" And like the 15 years that preceded this one I will pretend to be asleep, knowing I have been waiting for that knock on the door for what feels like forever, morning breath and all. Then just like the social media-picture taking mom of the 21st century I will tell them to go brush their teeth, comb their hair, and give us twenty more minutes of sleep. They hurry out, back in about seven minutes tops and I pretend to be wrestled from my slumber. Little do they know, I love Christmas as much as they do. I love too, seeing Christmas through their innocence.

I tap my husband in his sleep and say, "I just bought you ten minutes, get up! Ten minutes that is all I can promise."

Christmas is the great equalizer. We, each us, behave better this time of year. Well most of us. There is still that occasional person jockeying in Wal-Mart for the last FROZEN video or Cabbage Patch Doll. Get in their way and you risk your next breath of survival. That aside, Merry Christmas!

I wish we could hold that Christmas spirit the other 364 days. Not the gift side but the giving side. The emotional, helpful, loving, forgiving, remembering, gentle, appreciative, tolerant, considerate, gentile, side. That would be one amazing gift. Perhaps the greatest gift of all.

Anyway, gotta run. There are gifts to be opened. Wrapping paper to be cleaned up. Bows to be recycled. Elation tears to be wiped. Hugs. Laughs. Thanks Yous. The whole nine.

But most of all there is this remembrance BORN IS THE KING! Let it not be just another Christmas holiday! Awake! A new day is born!

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Soldier within

12/21/2014

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The soldier within

There are so many fragments of ourselves for reasons only we know that we deny. Fragments that we shove to the back of our consciousness. We appear to fear the very life behind them. Their viability is ignored, shoved into an oblivious state of being, yet denied. On the surface we display an okayness with our interferences. Our essence that lies beneath is held hostage by none other than ourselves. Secretly we curse that part of us that blocks our blessing. The cowardly cowering side.

We allow ourselves to take refuse in a somber state, listening to a voice inside us that puts the brakes on inventions, start ups, and our fixes to broken systems. We tell us ourselves quite convincingly that someone else can do it better, faster and with greater success. So we sit frozen swearing a silent swear to that soldier within. On rare occasions our soldier will fight back. During flighting moments of desperation, he will stir intrigue and compulsion inside us. At these times we may even do a bit of research or reveal in tiny bits and pieces to others our "what if" plan for our future. Then almost as quickly as our vision spills out, we retreat. STOP dreaming we scorn!

We become our own worst enemy. It is not the fault of others on the battlefield that our victory has eluded us. Not at all. It is the fault of the soldier within. That part that refuses to believe in his or her strength, trust his or her armor, and rely on his or her keen familiarity of the landscape just ahead. Instead, this soldier is willing to accept defeat before setting just one foot on the battle field.

Our soldier is unwilling to take on his crippling self and risks being completely okay with winning or losing in the fight of "it." Whatever it happens to be.
So as consequence he lives never really meeting what awaits.

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December 21st, 2014

12/21/2014

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Operation i-Pad Rescue (Part TWO)

12/16/2014

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LTR: Officer Crenshaw Me, unknown officer, Officer Chris

Then in this moment, God spoke to me. He said, "If you take the next step, I will finish this." I turned around and headed toward the address once again. I had lost my i-Pad, missing for five long days from the airline seat where I last left it. Days later, it sounded, alerting me to where it had recently been powered on. I had to act quickly.

I had been told not to drive to the precise location. Drive nearby and then call 911. I drove precisely to the location. I didn't mean to, I really did not. It sort of snuck up on me as I was inching toward it counting house numbers. When I saw the house number, my heart raced. A 25-30 year old African-American male was staring straight at me from the porch. I met his eyes then looked away as I quickly memorized the license plate of the only car in the driveway. I felt in over my head. I drove a 1/4 mile away and scanned places to pull over to dial 911. I chose a trucking company parking lot. I made the call and I hear, "911 what is the location of your emergency?" After sharing my plight, the operator dispatches a unit to my location. While I waited, I looked up the license plate under a "free look up" that asked for my credit card. I resisted the temptation to know more. I sat in my car eight minutes and then the patrol car drove up. Out comes, officer Chris.

My first words were, officer are you feeling lucky? His response, "I don't believe in luck." Nervously I say, "Well do you bring good karma?"
"He says, karma, that is an interesting word. Why don't you start at the beginning." And so I did. After patiently listening through how I had come to this point, he asked me was I super sure of the address? Saying, "I don't want to ambush an old lady." I triple checked and then he says, "This is going to require backup." Now I am excited, CSI style. Wow, backup! He proceeds to radio for backup, and I hear in the backdrop, really Chris? Really Chris? He just kept saying send back up. I am sure they are thinking are you kidding? All this for a i-Pad? In any case, four patrol cars and eight officers later, we are making a plan. Well okay they were making a plan, but they needed me and I needed them. I kept asking do you think we will get it back? Officer Chris says if it is in that house I will bring it out for you. If not, I will write you up a police report. His strategy, the presence of force and intimidation. That was it! Operation Rescue iPad, as I so named it.

Officer Chris told me he was leaving me in the capable hands of 28 year veteran, officer Crenshaw from Los Angeles, California. He would stay with me as the other officers (one being female) went to the address in question. Ten minutes later they radioed back with a single question, "What time did the ping happen the night before? I responded 6:42 PM.

The granddaughter of the grandmother who answered the door had powered on the devise from the home the night before. The grandma was certain. Furthermore, the granddaughter works at non other than Atlanta Hartsfield Airport. She does not work cleaning airplanes however. I had been very clear and upfront, I did not want to press charges against a young person. The airport I learned is federal property. Crimes there are taken very seriously with unforgiving consequences. I just wanted my i-Pad back. Besides it is nearly Christmas. God had to be in this throughout.

This is where I must be a bit cryptic and I will speed things up. The granddaughter was given the device by a male friend who likely originally took the devise and tried to sell it for the first couple of days. She accepted it, powered it on, got my alert that is was lost and quickly powered it down. The next day she quickly got it out of her house and her grandma's house. What she was planning to do next I do not know.

Grandma is persuaded to call her on the phone. The officers tell her about the potential trouble she is facing if the i-Pad is not returned. After denying having the devise for a few minutes she relents but refused to come back to the house, fearing arrest. The police were unsuccessful in convincing her she would not be arrested. And here is where this young lady pulls her ace card.

She will return the i-Pad as follows. She would give the devise to an anonymous friend who would hand it over to the police and get this, in another county where Atlanta PD could not arrest outside their jurisdiction. And my dear officer Chris and team agreed to her plan..

And this is how it all went down. Officer Chris brought me back my i-Pad to where officer Crenshaw and I were waiting. We slapped high fives, I passed out hugs. I insisted on group pictures and we grinned until our cheeks hurt.

I plan to keep my promise. No prosecution. God kept his too. You start this HE said and I will finish it. And My God He Finished It. To God be the glory. Amen.

P.S. I know the name of this young woman. I know the precise location where she works. I plan to stop by the next time I pass through the airport and ask for her by name. I will tell her who I am and give her a hug. I will pray for her. My words, you have a fresh start to do all things right. Use that start to do good.

A good lesson for all of us.

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Operation iPad Rescue (Part ONE)

12/16/2014

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It began on a Thursday evening flight from LAX to Atlanta. A very late flight. As all passengers are instructed to do, I put my electronic devices into airport mode. This cuts off cellular service. Without power, cellular or WIFI the FIND MY IPAD app is rendered useless, but I am jumping ahead of myself.

I use the nearly five hour flight to do one thing, sleep. During my slumber, my iPad slid off my lap onto the floor and likely made its way down the corridor through an avenue of seats. I would not recognize my blunder for 24 hours. On this late night as I deplaned, I checked around me for any personal items as I had done some 1,000 or more flights before this one and departed for home and the comfort of my own bed.

Friday afternoon I went to get my i-Pad from my still unpacked single piece of unchecked luggage and it was gone. Immediately I knew. I had left it on the plane. I file an online lost and found with DELTA and without waiting for a response I went back to the airport to see with my own eyes if my i-Pad, the one my husband had given me for my birthday two years before was there waiting for me. I prayed it would be. My husband told me to take a couple days and mourn its loss, it was lost to me forever. I cried real tears to the DELTA agent, who felt so sorry for me she gave me the elusive "NEVER SHARED" phone number to call them directly to check on the progress of my case. I was affected, not so much over the loss but over the take. I felt violated. Everything on that i-Pad had been backed up or nearly backed up. I was not missing access, I was brooding over the sheer thought of someone taking something that belonged to me. I felt sad and angry. I also felt determined.

I posted my woes on Facebook, my place of therapy. Friends sympathized, empathized and generally wished me luck finding my lost item. Inside I felt the i-Pad had been taken by someone who had no intention of giving it back. I surmised it was the cleaning crew of the plane. I settled into a period of what-ifs. What if I had the airplane mode on? Would FIND MY IPAD still work? I called APPLE twice and twice they told me in Airplane Mode my phone would not signal FIND MY IPAD.

Was I saved from further infringement since it has a passcode on it? Or once the taker realized the passcode was a complete hindrance to them why wouldn't they just trash the thing? So many scenarios raced through my brain. I even dreamt the sabotager tracked me and my family down and held us hostage inside our home, over an i-Pad.

I did say a seven word prayer to God the Almighty. I simply asked HIM to please allow me to have it back. That's it. That was my prayer.

I continued to call DELTA Lost And Found for the next three days. Always with the same reply, no i-Pads turned in. The agent even said to me, "When I gave you this number I really didn't expect you to keep using it."

On Monday evening at precisely 6:42 PM, while finishing making dinner, I heard my phone signal a new alert. I walked over to it and staring me in the face was "YOUR IPAD WAS POWERED ON AT APPROXIMATELY THIS ADDRESS". From the map it revealed I knew in an instant it was not at the airport, but nearby the airport. My friend's husband jumps in his car and does a drive by. He informed me the address led to an abandoned property. As quickly the i-Pad went offline.

The next day, Tuesday I called the police again. I told them I needed a plan. They told me to travel close to the location but not to the address and call 911. They would meet me. I again called APPLE and asked how accurate was the address that was pinged to me from the device. They responded fairly accurate in most cases. It was all I had and I feared if I did not do something quick my i-Pad might be on the move. And worst case trashed. After all, the person who powered it on (it must not have been in airplane mode I theorize), got a message on the screen that says THIS IPAD IS LOST PLEASE CALL ME, with my number next to it. It had been over 15 hours, no call.

After dropping off my daughter at school, I drove toward the address on Tuesday morning. Without getting far I turned around towards home. I just was not up for this I felt. I did not want the disappointment or the confrontation. Quite frankly I did not have much faith that anyone would admit to a policeman on their doorstep that yes they had stolen property inside. With the i-Pad being offline, I did not even have the benefit of instigating an alarm.

Then in this moment, God spoke to me. He said, "If you take the next step, I will finish this." I turned around and headed toward the address once again.

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Gone are those days

12/9/2014

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Our innate innocence was once the one thing that protected us from puzzles where the pieces never fit. Those situations where our inner sonar would send a ping to our heart and we trusted in an instant that this meant stop everything, don't touch, back up, freeze! We believed so strongly in what we were feeling that it was difficult to be manipulated into feeling something else, especially if something else was contradictory. During these times we were crystal clear not in precisely where we might end up, but at least steadfast and undeterred in our belief in where we were headed. Dreams for us did not just happen in REM as mysterious phenomenons, but our dreams were day dreams too. Wide awake dreams that spilled out in living color, with faces and dates and predicated outcomes. We made meaningful decisions that took longer than slapstick thirty second sound bites.

We realized that acting on our current best thinking came with real consequences. Consequences that could jeopardize our ability to rebound while also causing irreparable harm to ourselves for months and years to come. The difference is when we gambled with our reputation it was not by pushing the "send" button on a keyboard. It was by letting people into our lives over coffee at the corner café. We shook hands, we did not push "like".

We got to know one another's character not by visiting home pages, but by our ability to tell the same compelling self-story the same way twice. We did not make stuff up in hopes gaining more followers. We followed our raw gut about others. And on the outside chance we were dead wrong about them, we didn't "unfriend" them. We cursed them out and held the front door open.

Gone are the days that if we felt strongly enough about something we held up picket signs, started grassroots boycotts, participated in sit ins at the neighborhood diner, or appeared on the courthouse steps. Today we sign online petitions, threaten to call our Congressman, respond to ROBO calls, and stage passive/aggressive shut ins.

It is no wonder gone are the days that our word meant something. Because there are no words for how we are conducting ourselves in this new millennium of excess. Our safety net has become APPS that tell us how to think, what to think, and when to think. Whatever happened to good old fashioned taking it to the prayer closet? We don't even mourn the loss of our lost innocence. Rather we jump onto the next social media "it" and we seduce it into our sub consciousness. We have no shame. We will even let the keyboard do our dirty work. We will try to fix every little thing in our life by pecking away on smart devices. Break ups, make ups, hook ups...all can be found a click away.

It is no wonder gone are the good old days. I for one, would much rather return to the times that when things did not go my way, I listened to and relied on that voice in my head that said, "soldier on". Not the one now that is trying to take over my mind which says, "There is an APP for that."

Gone are the days that APPLE was a fruit. The kind of fruit you would risk everything for jumping over the fence into the neighbor's yard helping yourself only to the ones that "fell" off the tree naturally.

We used to deliver mighty declarations under street lights and declare our love on front porches. We wanted to, had to, see them face to face. Now a simple text or snapchat will do. We used to sit on the couches with plastic covers careful not to make noise as we made out or made up.

Gone are the days that no man left behind really meant no man left behind. Everybody returns to the fort. Everyone gets home safe. Everyone was truly their brother's keeper. No APPLES to be found anywhere!

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Rabbit hole

12/6/2014

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.....used to refer to a bizarre, confusing, or nonsensical situation or environment, typically one from which it is difficult to extricate oneself.

We will emerge victorious. Black, white, tan, and brown. We will stand up for what is right and just and sustainable, for our current situation is not. Not for me, not for you. Watch, hear, pray. Be mindful of the words I speak. The struggle belongs to all of us. We all stand to collect on the just reward. Our children's inheritance rest in our next thought, deed, and action.

What are you talking about around the dinner table this night? Catch hold to it before it catches you off guard. Be precise in your measurement of the events surrounding you as you will be forced to replay your part in it a thousand times hereafter. Read up, study up, speak up!

The only bad action is inaction when your thought is provoked. You were created for this moment in time. What do you stand for, who will you stand with? Seek peace always. Show love and good temperament. Your silence is not an option in this rabbit hole.

For some it will begin with baby steps starting with a question that boggles the mind. For others, there is no more time for questions but only answers will do. Wherever you are, it is time. Find your strength. Use your power within....and act. But above all, do not act the fool.

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Postscripts from the edge

12/4/2014

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What this world we live in needs more of is compassion and tolerance. It is not fortuitous that billions of people of different hue, culture, language, and ideologies were put here by one amazing omnipresent force. This is a test and we are failing at it. Thing is, at our core, we share more commonalities than differences. We love our communities, our children, our parents, our sense of security, safety, health and well-being. We want the planet to survive for those that come after us. We want the ability to heal when we suffer. We want good health and sound minds.

With all of that in common how is it we spend so much time attacking the God-given differences we were dealt? We are told to rejoice and we rebel. We are instructed to take care of our fellow man and we steal their joy, freedoms, rights, and abilities to prosper. We even steal their lives. Lives that in our hands, we have not been granted. When we kill we steal what only God has given.

Our world is crumbling. We are slipping backwards into a greater time of ignorance. We are playing out the worse possible outcomes in front of a generation that has not asked for any of this chaos. We are teaching, reinforcing, portraying the worst of times when for them it should be their best of times.

And the real joke is on those who believe they are insulated from the repercussions of today's events. There are those among us who do not subscribe to the ripple affect of the images before them. It is happening somewhere else, to someone else, at some one else's peril.

This must have been the same thing the American Indian thought when native Africans were being enslaved.The same thing the Jews thought when American Blacks were being enslaved. The same those around the world thought as Apartheid reared its ugly head. The same Americans thought as Ebola was "over there." All someone else's unfortunate situation.

That is until that unstoppable force of real change comes knocking. Then like it or not.......everyone must choose a side of history.

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Piling on

12/2/2014

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Do you know people in your life who no matter how things are going for you, be it good or bad, they exist to bring along poundage? For your sake I hope you don't have this, though regrettably you likely do.

What is it inside of some humans that literally compel them to be so negative. It is as though their magnetism is soaked in negativity, basted on all sides with dread. I can't understand the compulsion of many to exist within a sphere of always seeing the world around them as 1/2 empty. Why is that I ask? And how do those people find you, me, us? Do we have a target on our heads that says, "Bring it on. I can take it." Pile on.

The most unfortunate side to lingering too long with negative fenoms is they become bloodsuckers too. They are so unhappy with themselves. They thirst on critiquing the very air around them. No one is spared. Their finger always pointing, eyes ever glaring, words forever loathing. No rest. No peace. They are lulled into a fixation of judging others. Oh how their insides must ache, never knowing the tranquility of quiet solace. It must be maddening.

We others want to take a ginormous eraser and erase these types from our lives. "No more!" we cry out, "No more!" Thing is sometimes we can't simply erase them. Often times we must love them. We do love them. And even though they are beyond teachable, we endure them. That is because we do not, will not, choose not to become like them.

So when they pile on that one heavy brick that is intended to break us, rather than ricochet their insults, we turn the other cheek. And we try within us to understand their pain. A deep inside pain that compels them to spew such vile into the atmosphere. We find those loveable morsels within them and with the patience of Job we stay rather than flee. We conduct ourselves like this because our insides tell us they need us more than they don't.

We pray for those who spitefully use us. Even those who attempt to persecute our goodness. We do this by placing their soul on the top of our pile. We do not admonish them, we pray for them.

Over time, our deliberate kindness may cause their delusions to become less versus more. And perhaps they may begin to see us others as more friend than foe. Most of all, they just might stumble upon something they love within themselves.

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Time for resolvelutions not resolutions

All around is Christmas

Soldier within

December 21st, 2014

Operation i-Pad Rescue (Part TWO)

Operation iPad Rescue (Part ONE)

Gone are those days

Rabbit hole

Postscripts from the edge

Piling on

La Detra Joy

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