How many times have you told yourself you were going to do something and you didn't do it? Did not even begin to do it. How many undone things litter your memory? That many is too many! 

If you were guaranteed to succeed at that one thing would you do it? Would you draw up a plan, set aside some time for it, talk about it, rejoice in the pursuit of it? Is there not a little part of you yearning with thirst of it? A bit of remorse absent it?

Look around you at all you have been able to accomplish in your life, big and small. Now stand in the middle of your life right now and do a slow motion twirl. Take it in. See what others see. What do you see? What do you feel? Take a full inventory. Anything missing? Is there an empty space you have claimed but have not manifest? Something you have wanted for so long you now have to make excuses to live without it?

Are you satisfied? Give your effort a grade. What grade was it? A passing grade?

One final question. Why are you playing out your one and only life so safe when you have a God that will not let you fail?

When I was young I dreamed of growing up and becoming filthy rich. I wanted to dress like the people I saw in magazines while traveling to exotic places I could not even spell. I imagined traveling first class, hob knobbing with the rich and famous. I had it all figured out, picture perfect in my mind. I would grow up, become super rich, live in a really big house with too much of everything and live out one big over the top life. I saw the Hollywood types on the big and little screen with perfect hair and perfect teeth. They were never alone surrounded by entourages calling their names, pulling at their coat tails. These icons all wore big audacious smiles with perfect diction. They never wore the same shoes twice. They chose their jewels based on latest trends. To me, these perfect people with their perfect lives had one amazing deal. I watched through my peep hole yearning for my chance at their life.

I grew up very without all those Hollywood things. I grew up poor but not without. I heard "no" more than I heard "yes". I was raised waiting for pay day and food stamps. We made things more than we bought things. One Christmas the only gift under the tree was a single skateboard to share among four children. We ate at home, vacationed at camp sights, had birthday parties in the living room. I grew up hanging with an entourage of neighborhood kids. We loaned out our jeans, toys, text books, and bicycles. We poked our fingers and became blood sisters/brothers. We pitched in our coins and shared chips, sodas, and ice pops. We sat under street lights and swore secrecy, confessed inner thoughts and pinky-swore never-to-repeat forgettable deeds. Under one of these streetlights I dreamed my dream of growing up and becoming somebody else. Somebody with one amazing deal.

I am all grown up now. My dream of becoming super rich unrealized. My hope of becoming somebody else undone. Instead, I grew up and became me. My me has meant working really hard at remaining me. Even though I have a lot of resources, all grown up, I find I would rather make things than buy things. I love to cook at home as much as I love eating out. I would rather save money, invest money, build wealth than spend money on things with depreciating value.

My "entourage" has not changed much since high school and college. I place more value on old friendships versus new encounters. I do travel to places I can't spell and take great pleasure in sharing my travel with others. I wear my shoes down to the sole and trade dresses with my besties. I share my soul with others and keep secrets like nobody's business. I have been to Hollywood and don't particularly like it. Not authentic. No one looks really happy. A façade of make believe. Too many dealings.

Looking back I realize it is I who got one amazing deal. I grew up and became simply me.

"I'll Fly Away" by ALISON KRAUSS

Some bright morning when this life is over
I'll fly away
To that home on Gods celestial shore
I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

When the shadows of this life have gone
I'll fly away
Like a bird from these prison walls I'll fly
I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

 Oh how glad and happy when we meet
I'll fly away
No more cold iron shackles on my feet
I'll fly away

I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

Just a few more weary days and then
I'll fly away
To a land where joys will never end
I'll fly away

I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away
I'll fly away

Michael Brown, Travyon Martin Robin Williams, Lee Thompson, there will be no more crying there. No more weeping, no more screaming. No more sorrow. When we get to the other side.

Age is nothing but a number. It can be if you let it. Especially if you live your life taking care of yourself, life can get better and better with age. In more ways than one sexy is an alluring four letter word. It is permission to act your age whatever your age. Feeling twenty in your forties? Good for you!!! Able to do a summer sault flip in your fifties? You go you!!!!  Still doing back flips? Wonderful you! Keep it up!. Don't change a thing. And whatever you do, don't let anyone steal your sexy. Love your body. Appreciate your health. Celebrate your beauty. Explore your sexy.

Sexy to me is more than sex appeal. It is a total package of sexy. Inside out appeal which includes words, expressions, dress, scent, environment, engagement, interest, connection, touch. It is not about how long or intense you are able to create a special moment but more about the authenticity of that moment. I have seen incredibly sexy women wearing no makeup, hair pulled up in a ratty bun wearing a faded T-Shirt. I have seen sexy men with face stubble wearing flip flops. Sexy is not entirely about the aesthetic presentation. It is more about the creation and follow through of a weightless warmth of adoration for another person. Sexy is transferred visually, auditory, physically, and yes mentally. When all these requirements aren't met you get something approaching sexy but it takes a detour toward lust. Lust does not stick around long. Lust  is fleeting.

 Never give up on your sexy. Don't buy into society's viewpoint of you are too young for this or too old for that. Trust your instincts. Explore your inner beauty. Take some risks. Laugh at your flaws. Accept the less than perfect things about yourself that you cannot change or care not to change. Cheer your sexy destination.

 Tell yourself, I AM BEAUTIFUL! I LOVE MYSELF! I AM QUITE THE SEXY SELF!

 Now go buy something that makes even you blush and regain your sexy!

Inside each of us is a gravitational force that keeps us upright and centered. I don't mean this in a  scientific sense. Nor am I attempting to explain a Newton theory. I am developing a sort of metaphor for our desire to live a balanced existence. An innate desire to mostly have things together and keep them together in our lives. Any time we are out of balance, our body, heart and soul goes into fix it mode. I believe that is our natural cry within to auto correct. Some people turn to healthy stimuli to auto correct, like running, walking, listening to music, talking, meditating, therapy, taking a drive, scripture. Some use drugs, alcohol, instigation, silence, revenge, sabotage, to achieve a feeling of better. The common denominator in all cases is a desire among all to feel better and remain better.

For most of us, we are born well, equipped with everything we need to live a life of vitality. As we navigate life we start looking at how other people solve their problems and sometimes adopt their methods. Never mind figuring it out on our own. We become copy cats of our environments. Most of the time it works out okay. Sometimes it does not.

 In our express desire to be on top, feel on top, remain on top we take short cuts. When we measure that "top" feeling from the outside through what we have acquired from the world (money, job, status, education, house, jewels, stock, celebrity), we never completely achieve course correction. Why is that? Because someone else we measure our "top" against will always have more. That's why.

When we course correct by looking at our "top" from the inside via humility, gratitude, acceptance, thankfulness, tolerance, and peace of mind, then we are always topped off. It becomes really hard to steal the joy that feeling brings. Simply by drawing on the same qualities we  were born with.

I loved my 20's. A time where I had a thought and I ran with it. A gumption, I tested it. A temptation, I acted on it.  I surrounded myself with other spontaneous beings just like me. We were barefoot and carefree in our spirit. No big worries to speak of. Our threats came from within. Will we get the job we wanted, the fling we chased, the credit we deserved? We as I know it, never worried about being chased by someone in a position of authority with the attempt of doing us irreparable harm. No I can't recall anything like that. I lived with two African-American brothers. They escaped their 20's into their 30's and beyond. Today it seems they may have been among the lucky ones.


I have a young son Michael. On this day, I worry about him. I worry because I know that no matter how good I get it, I may not have him with me forever. That his threats may indeed come from his environment and factors he can not control. No matter what type of man I am raising,  life interrupted still happens.

That is why I put my hands in the air. Not in surrender but in solidarity with all families of  young men. Those who know that no matter  what, life interrupted happens.

When you know better, you do better sayeth the LORD.

I have felt sad in my life a lot. As far back as I can remember I have spent periods of time feeling less than whole. I have never wanted to put a label on these feelings. Sad is the closest I have ever come to doing it though. My mother, I used to label as "sad" and her mother before that. While collectively we three, all so strong as an ox on the outside, withered at times on the inside. I  recognized the common signs in our eyes. We never talked about it, but I feel we knew, each of us, that we shared a thread of sadness.

When I learned of actor, comedian, Robin William's suicide on 8/11/14, my first thought was he died of sadness. How is that others are asking? He had everything, wealth, prosperity, notoriety, talent, unique gifts and people who loved him. He also had sadness, lots and lots of sadness.

There is at least one difference between Robin and myself. Mine is not a lingering sadness. I can shake it. Give it its place in my life. Command it to the backdrop of my spirit. I can push it down and when it wakes up sooth it into another feeling of my choosing. Robin it appears was not as successful at doing this. He was so weakened by his lot of sadness. I don't blame him, can't blame him for his outcome. Sadness is a deceptive thing. It will trick you into believing it is a forever thing. And when you do something so tragic and so permanent, it will stand over what is left and ask, now why did you do that? That is why I hate sadness. Because sadness does not play fair. Even that tiny flicker of happy light at the end of the dark tunnel is seen as too distant and unachievable.

I do wonder if Robin was a saved person? I wonder if he had a relationship with God? I know that my relationship with God has been the one thing that gives me the bravado to stare down my sadness.

I pray that Robin has found peace and has passed over to a place with no sadness.

It is a wonderful accomplishment when one reaches the point of having uncompromised convictions. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to reach this point though I have seen people in their 20's get there sooner. This is a stage of life where you know what you need from other people and you can't settle for anything less. Your spirit simply will not allow it. It makes no room for yucky feelings or yucky people carrying yucky feelings toward you. I call these feelings "leftovers." That means being treated like you are not important, like your ideas don't matter, your feelings are inconsequential, your dreams are silly and your existence is ordinary. It means your value is someone else's leftovers. My mom used to say, "If you don't know what you will settle for, you will settle for anything." She was right too. I see it all too often with women, and sometimes men. People so manipulated, so unassured that they settle. They allow others to shape their outcomes, dictating to them their very worth. It breaks my heart every single time to see this.

I stopped being leftovers about in my mid-thirties. It was the first time I adopted a zero tolerance for yucky feelings coming from others. By the time I was in my forties I had perfected my ability to identify and wipe clean yucky people from my life. I told myself, I can do bad by myself. I do not need or desire to have anyone defining who I am. Period!

I tell young women know who you are and if you don't yet know...wait and pray. Do not fall victim to someone else's trap. Do not allow your psyche to become ensnared in anyone's personification of you. Decide early what people are telling you and what they are not showing you. Especially seek to understand their motivation behind their words and actions. The first time you begin to feel like leftovers...run and don't look back. The pain you may feel by running is nothing compared to the pain that awaited you by remaining in place.

Love yourself hard and unconditionally! Free your mind, your awesome life will follow. 

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." LUKE 11:9

We make our own decisions. Choices really. Different from any other species in the universe we have reasoning skills. We have the ability to choose our own spiritual fate. We can choose to live in darkness or walk in the light. Free choice can be a real burden to the down trodden who choose to wallow in sorrow rather than rise up and claim their victory. At its root is basic fear and a lack of trust in the unknown. It is about not being willing to surrender to what we cannot see or hear. We have no one to blame but ourselves. No single anything we can point our finger to and say "that" or "this" is the one reason I suffer so.

We make our own choices. Faith is that thing we can lean on if we choose to do so. It is the shared promise offered to all of us. It is the bedfellow that allows us rest, peace and supreme happiness in unsettling times. It is our rock. It is a gift offered to all. If only we believe. We can each, manifest our own destiny. The price for that was paid in sufferable blood. We are the victors, each of us, if we choose to claim our victory. Why then do any of us continue to suffer? Suffering is not God's intended plan for our lives. We have all, each of us FREE WILL. It is our promise from our shared God.

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." LUKE 11:9

I can teach her how to tie her shoes, what fork to use at supper time.  I can show her the universe. I can teach her the times tables. I can introduce her to her inner beauty.

But no matter how hard I try. No matter how many genies in my bottle. No matter what, I can't show the love that only her daddy can teach. Can't open her car door, kill the spider in the bedroom, scare away the monster dragons, dance her first dance. BUT I can stand to the side and cheer that bond on and know that my love for him makes their bond possible.

When your your family comes first then your kids must come second. This is a hard pill to swallow for many, especially moms. I was one of them. For years I put my kids even before myself.  I poured everything into them to the point of total exhaustion. To the point of having little else to give. And one thing for sure, not once did I hear my kids say slow down mom, take some time for you, spend some time with dad. No young kids aren't wired that way. Nor should they be. It is the parents responsibility to know the end game. To know what needs to be done at every inning along the way to get the family as a whole and intact across the finish line. Often this falls to women because we are the ones who can throw things quickly out of balance. Trust me this I know. And before long, we look up and what we find is beautiful bright children and a spouse that if we are lucky, we can try to get to know all over again. This is not the bible way.

I take an annual vacation alone with my husband, usually in the summer. We have been doing this for nearly 15 years. I have had my friends ask, what about the kids? I could never do that. My response, what about the kids? 

It is about the kids that women work  so hard at making marriage work. It is about the kids that women pour so much into our men even when we have so little at the end of the day to pour. It is about the kids that we bite our bottom lip, work that second job, volunteer that third time, learn to sew, bake, ski, and bowl. 

It is about the kids that we say, shut the door mommy and daddy are talking (wink, wink).  It is for our children that we love so hard for so long and refuse to give up.  It is the reason we don't break bonds. My mother used to say, "it is easier to lose something than to find it."

So what about the kids? Kids are a gift from God. A gift that is shared with us after our first love for our spouse. The earlier we realize this the stronger and more unified the family unit. The more love we show our spouse the more collective love we carry forth to our children. 

Seldom does it come to blows when you mistreat others. There is no meet me after work on the playground, or I am going to get my brother on you. Mistreating of someone is generally not a physical thing, it is a heart thing. In fact, it is a lot easier to forgive the tumble in the grass than the bruise to the heart. Some bruising never heals. After a time of continued bruising, people will show you how you treat them.  Hurt people have memories like an elephant.

Elephants indeed remember injuries and hold grudges against their abusers. For example, one study of African elephants found that the animals react negatively to the sight and scent of clothing worn by members of a nearby Maasai tribe of people [source: BBC News] who threw spears at them.

There are an infinite number of ways people will signal how you have treated them. The question for you is do you care? 

The time that passes between their initiating contact.
Conversations without substance.
Procrastinations of every dimension. You fill in the blank, because inside you know.
Excuses for not providing you desired behaviors including intimacy, connection, time.
Lack of curiosity or interest in your life.
Attention only to the routines of your day not the energy behind it.
No cheers or accolades only judgement and criticism.
Passing of time with increasing spaces that do not include you.
Choosing silence.
Choosing elsewhere.
Not choosing. A perpetual state of emotional limbo.


You might convince yourself that by behaving this way toward you they have acted egregiously. You will believe this without once considering your previous bad acts. You will wonder through your anger how they can fix themselves to treat you so poorly, so matter of fact disdainly?

While it is your unregistered memory that fails you, it is their pain you are feeling. A pain created through memories you created in their spirit. A list that you first manifest. One that you projected on them and now they mirror it back to you.


This carcass remains, do you care?