When I feel doubt I look for places with spaces that may provide answers. Maybe not a complete answer that sooths everything. But places with spaces that provide direction. Usually I end of looking where I left off.
When I am looking for the answer to why things happen that cause confusion and pain and suffering, I am not trying to find someone to blame. I am looking for somewhere to begin change. I am looking for a way to become part of something lasting.
When I am feeling overwhelmed by grief, I look for the place where I last found happiness. Sometimes it comes with a scent, or photograph or memory or song or whatever. What I do not do, is look for spaces that reinforce the pain I feel inside.
I take a deep breath and I study my moment. I ask myself, is this the way you want to feel forever? When my answer comes back no, I begin the work to get better. I don't try to pretend that what I am feeling is not real or justified. I just try to will myself into a better place with better space.
I know the feeling of being one-two punched by life. It is a horrible feeling that leaves lasting bruises. Each time I am knocked down I am forever changed. And no I do not come back stronger. I come back changed. As I pick myself up each time, I am reminded that I was not promised anything beyond life and death. It is that time I spend between those inevitable two that matters most.
So that's it. I can spend time in limbo looking for someone to blame for my unfortunate circumstance or I can say a prayer of thanks to God Almighty that I still have that time between life and death to figure out a better space in a better place for me.