Women are special. Girlfriends are trophies. Wives are revered. I don't mind being a wife. I chose it. There are no special trophies big enough for being the wife to a husband she loves. And as the wife to a man I am in love with, whom I chose, I would like to be on top sometimes. You have to ask for what you want and sometimes you must be very specific in order to be completely satisfied. You can't just lay there. ASK! Here is what being on top sometimes, means to me.

I want to feel noticed. I want someone at home saying "job well done, thank you, let me get that, you complete me, rest your feet, let's just order in, you look great without makeup, is that a new dress, I would love your opinion on this, I am better because you are with me, let's take a walk, shhh! mom's taking a nap, how can I be helpful to you today, meet me in the backyard there is a full moon, I ran you a bath, I poured you a glass of wine, I bought this book with you in mind, roll over and let me massage your back, the dishes can wait, do not talk to your mother like that, don't worry I will take care of this, want a sandwich."

MMM yeh!  Yes!  Yep, oh yeh, feels great!

Being on top sometimes ain't bad. Not bad at all.

Hi Robin. You do not know me, perhaps you never will. But we do share two things in common. I love a great ballad and I am in love with my spouse. That's enough it seems to draw us to one another.

Well my reason for writing begins with simply two words, "forgive yourself".  Do this if you are ready to do this.

Our paths crossed on the night of 2/22/14. That is when I gathered thirty of my closest friends and family to The Georgian Terrace in high anticipation of celebrating my husband's 50th birthday less than 200 feet from where you would be the highlight of our evening together, serenading the audience causing splendor and blush amongst us all.  Included in the audience my husband Bob's 70-something parents, married 55 years. We were excited, overjoyed at the opportunity to spend time with one another and delighted to know we would climax our evening listening to your soulful sounds.

We received word a mere 90 minutes before curtain call that you were ill and would not be performing. I was angry, hurt, embarrassed and sad. Our guests were supportive, less-stunned and resilient. We had a fantastic time despite your decision to cancel. I called your act selfish and drug-related. Let me say up front, I forgive you.

Robin, I have been married 21 years, 22 in June of this year. You have been married 8. I have two children, you have one. We both love our spouse no doubt. In the nearly quarter century I have been married I have learned a lot. Allow me to school you if you have a listening ear.

I have learned that love does not come easy. It is work work work. It is about sacrifice and swallowing a lot of pride and hurt. Love is about commitment and honesty and mostly about devout friendship even if one or both of you is feeling completely unfriendly in moments or days or months. Marriage comes with even a heftier measure. Marriage is about character. It is a reflection of what we are willing to invest to esteem ourselves to our life partner and our offspring. Marriage is not selfish, sneaky, dirty, disrespectful or painful.

Robin not sure you are a religious person. I do hope that you are a centered person. We all have demons. We have deeds and actions and thoughts we shove down and work hard to never repeat. If we don't fix or control the demons they control us and ultimately destroy us. That is the way the universe works. It is always trying to correct itself whether we are willing participants or not.

I have read that your wife Paula wants a divorce. That is a word I have personally never used in my nearly 22 years of marriage but I tell you this. If I ever used the word I would intend to manifest it to its conclusion. Divorce to women means we are tired. We are beyond hurting. We are willing to hurt alone rather than hurt with you by our side. We want to heal and you are not seen as being a substantial part of that healing. We may even love you but being married to you is not enough to feed the friendship we want from the marriage relationship.

My prayer for you now is you will gather your strength and walk spirited toward the light of healing yourself and then your marriage.

Your friend and sister of the ballad kind, La Detra

Written by fellow blogger and good friend Tony Washington

My wife and I were privileged to spend the weekend with our good friends Bob and La Detra White at their beautiful home in North Decatur, Georgia. We were there to celebrate Bob’s 50th birthday milestone and what a celebration it was! We socialized at the hotel; enjoyed a catered Georgia brunch; were entertained by a fantastic singer with accompaniment in their home; traveled in the deluxe party coach to do some wine tasting and enjoyed a delicious dinner gathering in a private room. And that doesn’t even include the special times we enjoyed with their family and friends who were successful in their own rights.  I remember walking around their incredible home with Bob as he explained the various wood choices they made and the details they chose for the ceilings and walls. Then there was time we spent with La Detra as she explained her consulting business and how she learned to compete and demand the best for herself and her family. And in the midst of all this, I couldn’t help but think to myself, wow – these folks got it going on!Successful people seem to have one common trait amidst a hundred competing ideals. They refuse to settle for what life begrudgingly offers and choose rather to seek out the best. It’s as if they have learned to discern the dividing lines and limitations people put upon themselves and consciously seek after things beyond those illusionary boundaries. They told La Detra she could never go Harvard and now that same Harvard grad is living the life; a life she chose and not one that was chosen for her! Did it take hard work? Absolutely! Were there hard times? Of course, as anything worth having has a payment required to achieve it. But one thing her success didn’t include was complacency…

You might not have seen it clearly enough yet, but complacency is not your friend. Complacency is marked by words like, “good enough” which in themselves aren’t bad but will never get you to your full potential. I mean have you ever wondered what you might accomplish if you pushed past those imaginary lines and went beyond those self-defined limitations you have put on yourself? What could you really do in this life? Curtis Bunn, published author, and my riding buddy on the party bus told me that it took him seven years to write his first book. Yet he rose above whatever held him back and wrote that first book! Now with a number of books on the market and a publishing contract for more books in hand, he enjoys his own success by refusing complacency and pressing toward things that matter; for his own life that he has chosen for himself.

We all start out in life with a hidden treasure of skills, aptitudes and abilities in our hearts; waiting, asking, begging for expression. And when we were young we heard those urgings distinctly and sought to pursue them. Then, something got in the way of those ideals and we started to hear those promptings less and less. We found out that we could get to “pretty good” quite easily and settled… I mean, after all, we are doing pretty well compared to some people, right? We have our basic needs met, don’t we? Why should we supply more effort if 60-70% got us this far? Why??? Because if 70% got you this far, imagine where you could go if you bumped that effort up to 90%. Imagine what you might bring to the world if you decided to go all in instead of saving something for later? Imagine what you might be able to do if you stopped being afraid to try?

Complacency is, therefore, the great killer of hopes, dreams, ideals. It moves in with stealth like a burglar and takes away your confidence; your passion; your enthusiasm, and does so without you even being aware of it. It convinces you day by day that how you are living is okay. It gets you to rationalize away your God-given talents. I mean who are you to seek so much? What have you done to deserve that life you’ve always imagined? And what does “little-ol” you have to offer? I’m guessing far more than you have even contemplated to this point!

Most folks are waiting for some inspiration. But here’s the funny thing about inspiration; inspiration is waiting on you! Inspiration isn’t something that comes to you by fate when the stars align or when good luck finally turns in your direction. Inspiration arrives when you are ready to receive it; when you have finally decided to do what you know you are capable of doing. And in that moment; that blessed moment, it floods in like a torrent and suddenly the day has no end.

This life is far too short to waste away your days on the couch wondering what you could have been. Why not push yourself out of your comfort zone and see what you can do? Your age isn’t a factor, nor can it be when you have unrealized dreams in your heart. Instead you owe it to yourself and our Great God that gave you those talents to reach beyond yourself and accomplish. Go all in, heart, soul, mind and strength! You can do it; you must do it!

Complacency is not your friend, but success is and she is waiting for you on the other side…

Go get it my friends, it’s waiting for you!

FIND TONY AT  http://justsomegoodthoughts.wordpress.com/

We make it abundantly clear to people how we feel by not saying much at all. Others learn so much more about us not so much by words but by action, our actions. When someone asks me do I understand? I respond, "abundantly"!

I am able to respond abundantly because almost always this person has shown me over time, has demonstrated to me more than once how they really  feel....abundantly. Notice I did not say they have "told" me, no they have "shown" me.

I get so very frustrated when words and deeds don't match up. I say this in any sort of relationship be it marital, friendship, family. Humor me as I list a few of my abundant examples.

1. They show you where you fit in how they spend their discretionary time.
2. You give, they take. They ask for change.
3. They say, I love you too. You are the one initiating, they are responding/receiving.
4. You get the feeling they are always playing Ketchup (Catch Up).
5. Your "tank" is empty their tank is full.
6. You feel a let down of disappointment before they even have a chance to pull their trigger. You have seen it all before, abundantly.
7. Real joy comes in like a dripping faucet. Does not have to be that way but it is.
8. You are constantly making up the happy ending.
9. You know that you know that you know something just doesn't feel right.
10. Then abundantly comes into full view with full meaning.

In closing, allow me to make this abundantly clear. Does not have to be this way if it is this way. Work it out!

I appreciate living a healthy life. Being able to wake up in the morning take deep clean breaths and ably getting around feeling mostly securely at ease with where things are in my life. There is a lot to be said for having a clear head, being able to make decisions with judgment and deference to the goings on around you. I rather cherish my God-given gift of discernment, in a spiritual context meaning: perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding. In a broader sense, nothing truly tragic has happened in life. I say broad because losing your mom to an undiagnosed heart condition, losing your brother to cancer in his 40's and having another brother lost to the world is tragic on some level. It all affects you. We are all intricately connected whether living on cloud 9 or not. At any given moment we are all connected and in truth the same, made of the same organic matter that is.  What makes us different are our mindful and spiritual choices.

I choose to live on Cloud 9. This to me means seeing the upside to every little thing. To try in all circumstances to remain positive and well-intentioned. To give the benefit of the doubt liberally. To share my feelings abundantly. And to be acutely present when others are feeling.

Cloud 9 can be lonely at times. When you are always trying to set the example, be the example, days to be off don't come easy. I find myself having to work at remaining authentic while showing my vulnerabilities. I can be extreme in some ways. Very sad, very happy, very very very a lot of things.

I am grateful for friendship. The kind that sees cloud 9 for what it really is. Cloud 9 is not about being blissfully happy or even about floating on air. Cloud 9 is a choice of choosing peace of mind over pieces of chaos. That is how I choose my friends on Cloud 9 too. I ask, is this relationship supporting my peace of mind or gravitating toward pieces of chaos? It is that simple.

I hope to meet you on Cloud 9. Deep breaths, nice air, great people.

I have met a believer without a testimony. We all have one or two or three. What I wonder is whether we have an obligation to share our testimony with others. Really what is the benefit of sharing our personal story with others? What can be gained from that, sharing the inside stuff? I know when I think back I have learned much from the trials and tribulations from other people's stories, not to be confused with gossip. I mean the plain truth life changing stuff. I love to hear how people came to Christ, how it felt, what precipitated the event. I like hearing how Christ has changed people's lives, what is working or not working for them in their relationship with Jesus. I love hearing how living a life in Christ does not mean you are limited it means you are free! I like hearing other's stories of what free in Christ means to them.

Now back to the question of why share your testimony? What is the point really? It is quite simple actually. When we share we bring others to the throne.

1 Peter 3:15         

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,

Acts 1:8     

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

Why share one asks? I counter with why not share? Now go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere!

I am flawed. I am the first to admit it. I aim for the bull's eye but more often than not I come up short, sometimes not even reaching the target. I try and fail. I fall and I get up. No doubt there is better than me, smarter, more gifted, more tolerant and pretty.

I am what I was created to be. I am not ahead of myself or behind. I am who I am at this time and in the proper order of things I am ME. I doubt me sometimes. I find dark spaces to run and hide from me. I cry when I see rainbows. I walk away from fights that don't have my name on them. I sing loud in quiet spaces. I cringe at the sight of spiders yet scowl when I encounter even the slightest hint of danger or threat to someone I love and needs my protection.

I am complicated. I am me. I am not ahead of myself or behind. I am who I am at this time and in the proper order of things I am ME.

I love hard. I have a forgiving spirit. I cry when I am hurt, when I don't understand and even when I am simply confused and searching for complete understanding of things at hand. I am work in progress.

But in the end I am ME and my heart says yes. It says yes to what tomorrow brings and to what new discoveries await that shape my tomorrow after that. I am not afraid for I am not ahead of myself or behind. I am who I am at this time and in the proper order of things I am ME. My heart says  YES!

It used to really bother me when I am talking to a young person and I seemed never to be getting through. What I took as direct, concise, simple, linear ideas has often been received as awkward, confusing, complicated and mixed-up by the teenage mind. It has often taken a lot of patience on my part to find a meeting of the minds. Admittedly. I characterized teen "slowedness' as being a lack of application, lack of caring, slothful and undisciplined. Most times I was just trying to get beyond "yes and no" answers to a more applied rationale reasoning in conversational thinking and engagement. Before I completely threw my hands in the air I decided to do some research. I was after why there is such a divide between the teen and adult mind and what implications does this have for adult and teen interactions?

By Molly Edmonds
In adults, various parts of the brain work together to evaluate choices, make decisions and act accordingly in each situation. The teenage brain doesn't appear to work like this. For comparison's sake, think of the teenage brain as an entertainment center that hasn't been fully hooked up. There are loose wires, so that the speaker system isn't working with the DVD player, which in turn hasn't been formatted to work with the television yet. And to top it all off, the remote control hasn't even arrived!

The brain's remote control is the prefrontal cortex, a section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. If you were to walk into a sports bar full of Lakers fans wearing a Celtics jersey, your prefrontal cortex would immediately begin firing in warning; those teams are bitter enemies, and it might serve you to change your behavior (and your clothes). The prefrontal cortex communicates with the other sections of the brain through connections called synapses. These are like the wires of the entertainment system.

What scientists have found is that teenagers experience a wealth of growth in synapses during adolescence. But if you've ever hooked up an entertainment center, you know that more wires means more problems. You tend to keep the components you use the most, while getting rid of something superfluous, like an out-of-date laserdisc player. The brain works the same way, because it starts pruning away the synapses that it doesn't need in order to make the remaining ones much more efficient in communicating. In teenagers, it seems that this process starts in the back of the brain and moves forward, so that the prefrontal cortex, that vital center of control, is the last to be trimmed. As the connections are trimmed down, an insulating substance called myelin coats the synapses to protect them.

As such, the prefrontal cortex is a little immature in teenagers as compared to adults; it may not fully develop until your mid-20s [source: Kotulak]. And if you don't have a remote control to call the shots in the brain, using the other brain structures can become more difficult. Imaging studies have shown that most of the mental energy that teenagers use in making decisions is located in the back of the brain, whereas adults do most of their processing in the frontal lobe [source: Wallis]. When teenagers do use the frontal lobe, it seems they overdo it, calling upon much more of the brain to get the job done than adults would [source: Powell]. And because adults have already refined those communicating synapses, they can make decisions more quickly.

Adult brains are also better wired to notice errors in decision-making. While adults performed tasks that required the quick response of pushing buttons, their brains sent out a signal when a hasty mistake was made. Before 80 milliseconds had passed, adult brains had noticed the blunder, but teenage brains didn't notice any slip-up [source: Monastersky].

An area of the teenager's brain that is fairly well-developed early on, though, is the nucleus accumbens, or the area of the brain that seeks pleasure and reward. In imaging studies that compared brain activity when the subject received a small, medium or large reward, teenagers exhibited exaggerated responses to medium and large rewards compared to children and adults [source: Powell]. When presented with a small reward, the teenagers' brains hardly fired at all in comparison to adults and children.

Molly's article does not explain everything but it does help. She helps me understand that I was sadly mistaken in a lot of cases. Teens aren't by and large dense they are just developing. Just like their shoe size grows, so does their brain. Just because they look grown up does not make them ready for prime time. That's why they have unassuming, patient, willing, smart adults to learn from.

Need beware of walking around in bare feet. Those living in glass houses may need reminding that the world around them is very fragile and should be treated with our greatest care. That it does not take much to feel hurt, to give hurt.

That others can see in you as easily as you think you can see out. That glass provides reflection and much of what you think you see in others is really a reflection of what you see in yourself. That no matter how pretty you dress up your glass, no matter how you display it, at the end of the day it matters most what you put on the inside. What you pour into your glass house.

Then when the stones come and they will, your glass house will stand, reflecting your true beauty inside and out.

My fourteen year old wanted to melt into the sidewalk. Her eyes as big  as platters. How she thought. could my mother sink this low? What in heaven's name makes her behave in such an absurd manner and in public no less.

She was totally at a loss of words while I was anything but in a loss for moves. And so I danced with an unsuspecting young man who just happened to cross my path. Out of nowhere I came from the shadows...and we danced. Why you ask would he stop and dance with a crazy lady he never met? Yet we danced. Just for a brief few moments we danced. We laughed. We broke a move. For a moment  we forgot all our troubles. Strangers on the sidewalk, we let loose.  Never a single word spoken until in the end I said thank you and he said in turn you are welcome.

Had he asked, I could have told him that that night I had danced to keep from crying. I could have told him about my major contract that was canceled that day, or about a long discussion I had with a close friend in a troubled marriage. I could have spoken about my heavy heart, my loathing concerning broken promises and selfish acts. I could have told him that this day would have been my mother's 69th birthday had she lived to see it.  But instead I danced, we danced!

I dream a dream that one night, many nights from this one my daughter will find her "just because" dance inside her. That she will find her dance when she most needs it and that she too will choose to just dance!